Probability Vortex

Sun, 03 May 2009 01:26:58 GMT

Just a thought: I really, really love Dave Van Ronk. That is all. (really, I swear...what *else* would I possibly have to say?)

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:32:37 GMT

327. Today I have made 327 goodbye cookies. 9 different varieties that compensate for 2 separate sets of allergies (including milk. MILK!)and 3 different sorts of food restrictions. Tomorrow, I'll be distributing them to housemates, friends, the staff at my favorite comics and sci-fi bookstores, ex-housemates and ex-coworkers. This was more difficult than it sounds as I packed up my kitchen a week ago and have only one bowl and one roasting pan...no measuring cups or measuring spoons...never mind a cookie sheet. Yes, this has made me feel much, much better about absolutely everything.

Michigan here I come.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 00:50:25 GMT

ya know, sweet potato fries in sesame oil are freakin' awesome. They pair well with cresting, hopeless anger, bourbon, Buffy reruns, an impending move cross country, an invitation to the Gaza Strip, and dry-aged steak.

yes, yes, yes.

--C

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:58:23 GMT

so...board as hell and cooking in the absence of any appetite: two trays of Baklava (improved, experimental recipes...better than I've made before), venison with apricots stewed in a mustard sauce and topped with goat cheese (awesome), various pastries with smoke cured ham and apples and whatnot, and, like, 4 trays of various experimental cookies, all good, all since yesterday. pretty much everyone I know in Boston is well supplied for picnics pretty much indefinitely. I think tomorrow I'll be trying donuts. just saying.

--C

Michigan-Specific Power Generation Rules

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:12:41 GMT

Hey all--

I finally found a decent summery of windmill relevant legislation in MI...Happy contemplation!

http://www.awea.org/smallwind/michigan.html

--C

general life update.

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:24:46 GMT

Hey all--

just wanted to post an explanation for the lack of Haven-related stuff this weekend...I have the flu AND I'm attempting to (finally!) do the final edit of the Restorative Justice/Sentencing Circles piece that I've been working on with Eleanor and Janet (since the beginning of time!)for the last year or so. The journal-editors want the article by next Friday, and the publishers want the entire text ready for *their* editors by early December, in preparation for a tentative publication date of February 2008. It the end of a very long road, and I should be enjoying it. Instead, I'm leaden-feeling and dizzy and fuzzy-headed and irritable and a bit crazed.

That said, a personal update is probably in order...at very least a snap-shot of my life. My job continues to rock: As an outreach counselor with North Suffolk I've gotten to do so much more of what is actually helpful to people than I had believed would be possible outside of public practice.

For example*, at the moment, I'm working a reunification case with a kid just out of DYS lock-up. He had been committing fairly violent offenses since the age of 12, and had been out of the home for several years. In that time his mother had another son with a different man, and gone through a *really* contentious custody battle when she got it together to break away from the relationship--riddled with DV--in which he was conceived.

(This is very, very common by the way: violent and controlling men tend to continue to control "their" women through the court process, through the withholding of child support, and through jacking with custody settlements and visitation. The partners of these men, having spent their relationships mindful of the consequences of angering them, tend to acquiesce more than they might otherwise...the result of which is that it the mothers (and yeah, it generally *is* the mothers) end up giving up the quality time with their children that the courts have determined that they should have, more of the money that their exes owe them etc. Oddly enough, these tend to be the sets of exes that look like they get along, and they--especially the mother--are often quite proud of that.)

Anyhow...when the teenager was returned to the house, the mother's ex refused to return the child from a weekend's visitation, claiming that DSS told him that he could have full custody since the environment she provided was no longer "safe". The mom--relatively uneducated compared to the ex--didn't *quite* believe him, but couldn't afford not to. She was poised to loose her toddler, unless she gave in to the demands of her abusive ex and kicked her teenager out. My job---before I started the counseling work that's part of stabilizing the family--was to get this kid's mom a lawyer...the first she's ever had. Within a week, she had--for the first time--some knowledge of her rights. The toddler was back in the home, and the mom could start the (very hard) work of creating an emotional connection with her teen aged son...which really couldn't happen when she thought that he might cost her her toddler. The teenager himself--my client--could actually start settling and adapting to life outside once he knew he wasn't going to homeless in a few days. This is the work of stabilizing a family. This almost never happens. Like I said, my job rocks.

Additionally, I've taken up the duties of a Human Rights Officer. It's quite a bit of work at the moment, because the company really *does* endorse the idea that every client should have at least one meeting with the HRO so that they are informed of their rights somewhere near the outset of treatment. Since there's been no HRO for the past 6 months, I've been playing a lot of catch up. It's given me tons of reason to be even prouder to be in the company of the people I work with: The most common response of the clients I've been seeing, when I, say, tell them that they have the right to refuse medication is that they already *know* that...that their counselors told them, that the decision was theirs and that they were made aware of alternative treatments and possibilities. This should, of course, be the way things *always* are...but I'm painfully aware of how rare it is, and grateful to be a part of it.

In other news, I'm ummm....well...I'm somewhere between engaged and getting engaged. Jame and I always wanted to forge our rings together, have a huge series of talks about what we want marriage to be while we work. For the past month, I've been looking over black star sapphires--beautiful of course...much better than diamonds--and sketching out ring designs. Yesterday, we finished up our negotiations with the manufacture of a metal called platinum-silver, perfect for our purposes. It's stronger than platinum...way stronger than silver, but has a relatively low melting point which will make it easy (well...easier) to work with the equipment we have in our casting-studio (a.k.a. the basement). The first 5 ounces should be arriving next week.

Obviously, the decision to get married--or not to--is huge, huge, huge and looming in my mind. I have no doubt that I'll love Jame for the rest of my life, and no doubt that he'll love me. I ALSO have no doubt that I'm not particularly well suited for a traditionally wifely role, and despite having been pretty-darned-happy in this relationship for most of the past 3 years, I *still* haven't managed to develop much interest in playing one.

That's fine to a point...One of the real strengths of this relationship is that Jame *actually* likes me a good bit more than he likes his tradition-based ideas about what a wife should be...but marriage is a social compact as well as a personal one, and I already hate the way that being in a relationship like this effects what others are willing and able to perceive about my identity.

I *also* know that marriage--let alone children--creates a ton of situations where your partner is your chief (and sometimes sole) emotional back-up...and Jame is just a bit too aspy to do that happily or readily most of the time. (yes, he actually DOES have aspergers, and yes, I know what that means, both experientially and professionally) In the context of dating--and even in the context of living together--this isn't necessarily a problem: We adore each other and we work it out. We've each got a metric ton of friends to help us with that. Still...we *are* heavily reliant on dynamics that involve other people, and I'm painfully aware that the isolation that marriage creates might not allow for that in the future...frankly, the thought scares the hell outta me.

Incidentally, I should stress that most of my worries are not about Jamie, they're about the institution of marriage itself. None of this is to say that I have much doubt about what my decision is going to be: Call it a failure of imagination if you will, but I can't actually picture a life I'll love that doesn't have him somewhere near the core of it. Doubt is just something I do: I've never been able to buy into the fictions of romance, never wanted prince charming to show up and take me away from my life and myself...I *like* my life, I've worked too hard to earn it to ever willingly let it go, castle or no. I think that this level of consideration is just something I owe myself, owe him, and owe the future....*and* I think that things would be better for a good number of people if entertaining doubt on this level was something more commonly done, more readily accepted.

What else, what else...ummm...well...I've begun the process of choosing and applying to PhD programs. My timing is awful of course: I'm broke and time crunched and (at the moment) very, very grateful NOT to be in school. That said, I *do* want my doctorate--the way I seek to practice is going to be MUCH more difficult without the authority it lends me--and I *don't* think there's going to be a better time later: If things go well, within the next ten years I want to have founded and built an intentional community and have a child (possibly two)...not to mention a thriving private practice, a bronze casting studio and probably a marriage. When, in the midsts of that--will I possibly have the time and brain-cycles to spare to actually get back to school? How much easier will all that be to accomplish if I have the added clout from the very beginning? So yeah...getting a doctorate.

Right now, this program: http://www.ciis.edu/academics/tsd.html is the front runner. It's workable with my job, and fairly reputable...especially for a degree pursued primarily online. That's something I realistically need if the rest of my life is going to stay do-able. I love the professors that are a part of things there, and don't doubt I'll be well cared for. The woman I've chosen as my likely adviser will definitely work with my (greatly desired) future studies/strategic foresight focus, and allow me to create a course of study directly applicable to the work I do with counseling and psychology within that context. I've already spoken with her about having the planning of Haven--something I was obviously going to do anyway--*BE* the topic of my dissertation, and focus of my research. I'll have the chance to pursue my own interests to an large degree...and as I said, I'll get to define and pursue my own scope of research...all of that. So yeah--other than the california-ish practice base, and it's chances of marking me as a flake in professional circles somewhat, it's pretty great and there *is* no downside.

The other option I have is going back to Harvard. It'll give me the name I need and the intensity of study I crave...but it'll take twice as long, and, since those programs simply aren't as flexible, it'll likely lack to focus and self-chosen course that I desire. I'd also have to get a second masters in route to my doctorate if I pursued that path, and despite the advantages it would give me in terms of sheer namey-ness I realistically think I got what I needed from that place years ago.

So yeah...even more decisions.

On the home front, the apartment is largely built. Ken's progressively getting moved into his room and on to the better paths of possibility. We'll be finishing the bathroom next month--cutting out the door to the void (tm) and installing a claw-foot bathtub. My kid sister, (Chris)Tina should *also* be showing up within that time frame...probably just for a few months, but possibly longer, while she gets acclimated to the big, big city, and finds a job and an apartment. With any luck at all, this will all be done (or, well...largely done) before everyone arrives for the symposium--the first Haven meet--sometime in mid-January, early February.

Ok...I've ranted enough now. Just thought I should say.

--C

(*altered of course for reasons of confidentiality, but thematically intact)

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:32:57 GMT

[img]http://www.rdos.net/eng/quizpoly.php?p1=69&p2=45&p3=64&p4=67&p5=60&p6=54&p7=56&p8=72&p9=51[/img]

...yup,that's about what I thought...

--C

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 02:48:33 GMT

ok, so the situation with the new job is actually more dire than I initially thought. I had hoped that maybe it was just new girl jitters, that this was what happened when idealism and good intentions went splattering against the windshield of the world...but ya know...no. It's not that, it really *is* that bad. I can't really hold out hope anymore that I'm the one that's mistaken. All I can do now is figure out how I can still practice ethically by my own standards while there, and see if there's anyway to bring the well intentioned people similarly stuck with me when I either change things or go. We'll see what the next week brings.

--C

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 04:46:27 GMT

Wooo-HOOO! I've suddenly got most of a kitchen! and bread! I'm making bread!

so yeah...happy 12:45 everyone, and to all (well...most) a good night.

--C

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 17:52:44 GMT

Hey all---

I've just finished my last, last class for the post-doc, and am rejoining the planet earth...sort of anyhow. Actually, I'm working gut and then rebuild the apartment that the boy and I are moving into...preferably before I have to be out of my old, beloved place. Anyhow, just thought I'd say hello.

off to paint now,

--Cate

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 01:36:28 GMT

You scored as Scientific Atheist, These guys rule. I'm not one of them myself, although I play one online. They know the rules of debate, the Laws of Thermodynamics, and can explain evolution in fifty words or less. More concerned with how things ARE than how they should be, these are the people who will bring us into the future.

</td>

Scientific Atheist

100%

Spiritual Atheist

83%

Agnostic

67%

Theist

50%

Militant Atheist

50%

Apathetic Atheist

50%

Angry Atheist

25%

What kind of atheist are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 22:12:42 GMT

It began as a cat...if your imput changes it, let me know.

--C

PS. so freakin' excited for this movie!

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 23:40:32 GMT

Twelve quakers drumming
Eleven comics piping
Ten communes a-leaping
Nine archetypes co-housing
Eight unions a-grant-writing
Seven chaos a-storytelling
Six news a-cooking
Five ca-a-a-ampfires
Four thunderstorms
Three civil rights
Two holy places
...and a truth in a subjective reality.

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 00:56:07 GMT

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 12:29:54 GMT

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Well...that explains a lot actually.

--C

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 03:51:45 GMT

Just so you know, the answer is NO. there's no debating this. just the facts ma'am.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 08:19:26 GMT

Christ! The dinosaurs are onto me! http://www.qwantz.com/index.pl?comic=420

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 13:38:33 GMT

I escaped from the Dungeon of Riotmod!

I killed Firedance9 the rat, Soliceseven the owlbear, Tissuesan the nymph, Hov1818 the mind flayer, Pure Doxyk the orc, Blackdragonkiss the floating eye, Vengerax the cockatrice, Mommyissa the dragon, Magikstick145 the fire elemental, Miss Mcdonald the mind flayer, Rogueangelseven the minotaur, Darth Boot the minotaur and Punkrockrob the troll.

I looted the Amulet of Decayingechoes, the Wand of Music, the Sceptre of Games, the Dagger of Hearingincolor, the Dagger of Bitterflower, the Dagger of Shogo, the Axe of Mensux, the Armour of Sithzanshen, the Dagger of All Star25, the Amulet of Writing, a Figurine of Atropis and 316 gold pieces.

Score: 441

Explore the Dungeon of Riotmod and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 23:57:04 GMT

Your Birthdate: December 31

You're a pretty traditional person. If it's lasted, it's probably good.
You seek stability - both in your career and your romantic relationship.
In return, you're very loyal and predictable. Which is usually a good thing.
Without a partner, you feel lost. Being with someone is very important to you.

Your strength: Your dependability

Your weakness: You hate being alone

Your power color: Midnight blue

Your power symbol: Shell

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

(I'm not dead, and haven't fallen off the face of the planet...just busy.)

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 06:54:42 GMT

MINIONS!

Hooray!!!!!!

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 05:37:47 GMT

I hereby officially declare that I un-giveup. So there. Take that world. Naaaaaa

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 05:20:29 GMT

Today I've somehow mysteriously ended up steeped in gratitude: went to Julie's yoga class, sat around at her house eating soup, playing with the cats and sporadically helping her make the place her own, then back to my house for late night tea with Niko. Interspersed with all this, running through my head and heart there's bits and pieces of The Last Unicorn--a paragraph while waiting for the T, a chapter on the bus--the pattern recognition project Glenn has me running on his stock projections, rehashing Eleanor's plans for research and publication next semester, ridiculously elaborate and possibly premature plans involving both old friends and the new people I've met (Calvin in particular)... I'm so lucky in the people I love.

Somehow the whole day's felt like being wrapped in my battered old kimono--the blue one that somehow works as both bathrobe and dancing gown.

I think maybe I'm happy, and I know that I'm content.

(just thought I should mention.)

Wed, 04 May 2005 00:20:31 GMT

Today we're setting up our separate rooms, battling tears and rage, generally loosing, and relentlessly sorting out the books, music, art supplies. Trading posters. Scrubbing floors. The grand ol' mantra of just get through it, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. Just to reiterate, this sucks. If there was anything I could do to change it, I would.

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 09:23:27 GMT

****lurk,lurk,lurk****

(Did I mention that I hate the paper I'm writing? I'm looking at the ethical implications of the APA's stance on the practice of "reparitive" therapies. The fact that I'm starting to understand the arguments used by these practitioners to legitimate their work is making me vaguely nauseated. I'm so, so glad I have retained the ability to tear apart their statistical analysis of success, despite the fact I am quickly losing my capacity for consciousness. fuck all, and god bless spell check.)

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 07:30:34 GMT

From Free Speech Zone, an article on the Soldier boys...

http://www.pointblank-dm.com/archive/2005/mar/033105/cover.shtml